We’ve all heard from the experts (whoever the experts are) that it takes 30 days to start a new habit or to break an existing one. So, with that thought in mind, I set out to intentionally “date my wife” for a 30 day period. 30 days of dating my wife! The plan was to do something small every day, purposefully, for 30 days – leading up to the grand finale – big date night! The intent was to be more purposeful about my relationship with my wife. I coordinated this with another couple, too. It makes it fun for the spouses to be able to check in with each other, keep each other accountable, and for the excitement to build towards Day 30!
These items listed below are totally tailored to my wife and the wife of a friend. Feel free to try some different things and move these around, depending on the day of the week, how much your wife likes coffee, whether you have kids or not, time of year, etc. You know your spouse – figure it out. Woo them!
One suggestion is to get each partner to agree to take one month per year and to do something similar to the list below. The wife does the wooing in March and the husband takes October or something like that. Do whatever works best for you and your spouse – just do something for an extended period of time – be intentional with continually building your lifelong relationship!
30 Days of Dating
- Save the Date card (for the final date night) along with a Starbucks gift card. Pick the final date night and work your way backward – especially if you need to coordinate schedules if you are doing this with another couple. Leave the Save the Date card and the gift card it in your wife’s car before you head out to work. Tell your wife about the journey – the 30 days of dating – set the expectations. Let her know this is very intentional!
- Starbucks Coffee Cup with a list of about 50 questions in it for your spouse to answer (again, this is to let your spouse know that you are serious about this and you look forward to learning more about her, even after X years of marriage). This may also help you in preparing for the big date night. I will write a future blog with the list of questions I used (list of questions here).
- Questions like…
- What is the most romantic thing that I have ever done for you?
- What is your favorite memory of us?
- How can I pray for you?
- Questions like…
- Movie night – if you can get out to the movie theater that is a plus. Might just be staying at home and watching a romantic comedy together after the kids go to bed. Make it something she would like to see. Remember how you used to watch movies you hated when you were dating – just for her?
- Thankfulness email to your… wife/lover/spiritual partner. Address at least these three roles that she plays in your life. Why are you thankful for her? Let her know.
- Read Psalm 119 together – this was a very good night for us – helps center us again on what is really important in our relationship.
- Go to the store, get some not-so-good-for-you snacks, favorite drinks, desserts, and chill out and watch some TV together. Channel surf, catch up on a series you both enjoy – just relax and enjoy.
- Plan a family Bible devo. If you are doing this with another couple, get a babysitter afterwards and go to the coffee shop.
- Spell out I LOVE YOU with scrabble pieces on the counter for your spouse in the morning before work – play a game that night – not Scrabble – that’s a fight-starting kind of game. 🙂
- Handwritten love letter – man, when is the last time you did this? Take your time, watch YouTube videos to remind you of how you used to fold those love-letters. I did mine in the shape of a heart – I stink at origami.
- Spend an evening reminiscing with your spouse about all you’ve been through together and all God has done for you, in you, and through you in your life together so far.
- Go to the driving range – hit some golf balls – or at least try to. The worse you do, the more fun you have.
- Sit down with your spouse and kids – purposefully decide how to spend some benevolence money – even if it is like $20.
- Take a hike or a long walk holding hands just enjoying being together and talking.
- Thankfulness email to the mother/father of your children. Different focus than the first thankfulness email (day 4 above).
- Have a picnic at a park if possible – even if it is just in the backyard – lay there and look up at the clouds.
- Make out on the couch (after the kids go to bed) – this one is nice, because now that you are married you don’t have to worry about going too far – that’s kind of the point of this exercise. 😉
- Cook or bake something as a family from Pinterest or The Pioneer Woman. Pray together as a couple for your kids before bed.
- Spend some time looking at your wedding album or some old pictures.
- Go shopping together to buy something for someone else – just because – doesn’t have to be expensive.
- Pick out what you want her to wear to bed that night.
- Lunch date – have her meet you near work or even take a long lunch and take her somewhere she likes near home.
- Dreamstorm – spend 30 minutes dreaming together – writing it down. Come up with whatever you think she would like to dream about…
- “Oh the places we’ll go…”
- Where would you like to take a vacation – even if it may never happen – dream about it
- Where would you like to live?
- Dream house – what would it look like, what rooms, etc.
- What goals do you have for yourself, us as a couple, our kids, etc.
- “Oh the places we’ll go…”
- Bless someone else – write an encouraging note(s) to some other people, together.
- This date worked out to be our 15.5 year anniversary – meet your wife for coffee – bring some flowers.
- Be spontaneous – you define what that means.
- Do something handy or creative together – buy some cheap canvas and paint – try body painting 😉 – build a birdhouse – check out Pinterest for a million different ideas.
- Miniature golf – it’s a classic date night activity.
- Put something obnoxiously sweet on her Facebook wall – maybe an old picture with some of the reasons you love her. I’ll put together another post later to give you an example of this.
- S’mores in the fireplace – if she’s anything like my wife – this will be a big win. 🙂
- Big Date Night – Finally! Make it special. Go somewhere nice – remind her of how special she is to you and how important your relationship is – make it a big deal! Don’t talk about work or the kids! Enjoy!