Date Night Questions
Do you remember the days when you were dating and you would spend hours on end talking to your future spouse? Do you remember when you would hang on every word they said, because you were excited just to be talking to them? You would let them talk while you were making mental notes of things they were interested in or what was important to them, because if these topics of conversation were important to them, they were important to you… at the time. Oh how times change. Do you now find yourself just trying to remember what your spouse’s favorite color is or what their favorite flower, or sports team, or <fill in the blank> is? Can you remember what food they order at a particular restaurant or what their dreams about family or retirement might be? Have you ever had to stop and really remember what your spouse’s middle name is?
Are you looking to further strengthen your relationship with your spouse and get back to that time when you knew how he/she might answer every single question? I mentioned in an earlier post that one of the 30 Days of Dating dates was a Starbucks mug with a list of questions for your spouse to fill out. Below you will find those questions. I printed these questions out on three pages with sufficient room for my wife to write down her answers.
No Time to Talk
We had been married 15 years and it seemed like we had stopped talking about things that were important. Life has a way of doing that to a relationship. Before we were married and didn’t have kids we would talk about everything. We were both quite interested in hearing what the other had to say. At the time I gave my wife these questions, most nights right before bed we would end up just covering what needed to be said, aligning schedules, telling each other, “I love you,” etc., but we didn’t really talk much about how our lives were really going. It’s very easy to see how couples just drift apart. The answers to the questions below made me much more aware of what my wife was feeling and also made for some very interesting followup conversations.
These questions helped me gain some much needed insight into our relationship and to jog my wife’s memory as well. This exercise will require a commitment of time from your spouse to answer all 50 questions. Don’t rush them, but set a “deadline” or else they may never get it completed. It also takes a commitment from you to read the answers and to really understand what he/she is saying. Use these answers as a jumping off point to open up those clogged lines of communication again.
You can see from some of the questions that I gave these to my wife in the Fall. I tried my best not to ask the questions in such a way that they might lead her to answer the way I wanted her to. I didn’t want to phrase them so that all her answers made me feel good about myself – I wanted the truth, good or bad. Ask your spouse to give full honest answers.
Questions for your spouse to answer…
- What is the most romantic thing that I have ever done for you?
- What is your favorite memory of us?
- What is something fun that we can do together?
- What is one thing I can do for you this week that will relieve stress from your life?
- How can I pray for you?
- Is there anywhere you’d like to visit this coming year?
- What area of our marriage are you most proud of and/or thankful for?
- Do you think we’re doing OK financially?
- How are you doing health-wise?
- Are you happy? Why?
- What is your favorite way to worship God?
- What has been the most difficult struggle in your life so far?
- What’s an area in our marriage that you’d like to see us improve upon this next year?
- What is your favorite summertime memory from your childhood?
- What was your favorite chore as a child? What was your least favorite?
- What is something you have always wanted to try?
- What are you most looking forward to about this year? What is your biggest goal for the New Year? In what ways can I help you achieve this?
- What does “quality time” mean to you?
- What are three occupations that you could never do? Why?
- What is the most generous thing anyone has ever done for you?
- If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?
- As your spouse, how can I better nurture and support our relationship?
- If you were to open a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
- What would you say is your greatest achievement? Why?
- When did you know that I was the one you were meant to marry?
- If you could make a living using a favorite hobby, which hobby would you choose?
- With what celebrity could you see yourself having a lot in common?
- Are you ever frightened about the future? If so, what frightens you?
- What is your favorite memory of your grandparents?
- When you were a child, what did you dream of becoming one day?
- If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?
- Describe your current relationship with God.
- How have you personally changed throughout our marriage?
- What’s your most favorite date activity?
- What do you most vividly remember about our first date/kiss?
- What do you like most about Fall?
- What are the top five things you are most thankful for in your life?
- What have you been learning about God lately?
- What hopes do you have for our marriage and family (long term)?
- What are your expectations for this Christmas?
- Which holidays of the year are important to you and why?
- What do you admire most about each of your parents?
- What things in life bring you the most joy?
- What are your retirement dreams?
- Tell me about the first time you saw God’s hand at work in your life.
- What spiritual gifts do you see in me?
- Where would you like our relationship to be this time next year?
- What kinds of hobbies do you wish we could do together?
- What are some practical ways I can make you feel loved?
- What are you praying about right now?
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